RAMBLING THOUGHTS

Here you’ll find miscellaneous topics that flow from this busy brain of mine!

I Don’t (Wanna) Give a Crap!

emilyb123Leave a comment

I have a good friend who is a big-time people pleaser and I can really relate. I’m tired of caring so much about what other people think of me. Are you one of those that don’t worry much about what other people think? Do you have a “girl power” attitude and are just naturally proud to be you and can say, “I don’t give a crap what people think of me”? I am sometimes doubtful of that persona and wonder if anyone really feels that way, but I imagine some do and I envy that quality. I think back to a couple of guys I knew back in the day that acted like tough cookies with sarcastic responses given left and right, but in reality, they were just as self-conscious as I was. I think we all care to a certain extent, but I’m more on the unhealthy end of the spectrum and I’m ready for a change. Last night at a party, I prayed again, “Help me to just be me” and today I tried to be extra mindful of it, but it is much harder than I’d like. P.S. I overthink things. That might be the problem!

My brain wants everyone to like me. I don’t mean that I desire to win the “most popular” award, but just “approved” by a variety of people. The ultra-trendy gal (and you’ll notice that I lost the chance of describing myself as trendy seeing as I just used the word “gal”)that I occasionally run into, my neighbors, the mail lady, my kid’s teachers and fellow moms at school, even family members…I try to keep up my smile and hope they think I’m “cool” enough, or even more than that, I want them to think I’m kind and friendly enough. It sorta makes me tired.

I’ve said before that I don’t always feel the need to wrap faith into this blog of mine, but it inevitably finds its way there; especially on a topic that has to do with my value. I can go to verses in the bible that serve as reminders of what is most important when it comes to my worth and how I’m ultimately seen: Psalm 139:13-14 says “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” I have been created on purpose and am loved very much. I don’t need constant approval of others, but I also don’t want to be a big grump that doesn’t smile at anyone either. I think it can be a tough balance and may be harder for folks like me (and other friends I know) who tend to lean more on hoping others like us. Another encouraging verse on this matter comes from Zephaniah 3:17, and one of my very favorites: “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” He adores us!

Knowing I don’t have to have anyone’s approval can feel like a relief and that’s what I love about verses like the one above; it serves as a sweet reminder to my little heart. But knowing it, and then living it, is hard. However, I also think that if we can practice resting on that truth of being loved so deeply by our Creator and that it is enough, it will only naturally allow us to want to be genuinely kind and friendly to others (not talking every moment of every day here because we are humans living life).

I wear an extremely bright, possibly too-bright, neon shirt to exercise sometimes and it says, “Be the Light” in reference to Matthew 5:14-16 where it says, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Isn’t that a beautiful picture? I don’t want it to place a burden on ourselves to strive to always be liked, but rather rest in our God-given value and allow Him to work through us to love others and glorify Him.

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

emilyb123Leave a comment

Why don’t I just jump right in and write a really awkward list of some of the song bites that I have stashed away in my brain from when I was a kid:

“Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me.”

“Freak me, Baby, awe yeah. Let me play with your body, baby, make you real hot.”

“I need $50 to make you holler, I get paid to do the wild thing”

“Boom, boom, boom, let’s go back to my room…”

“I wanna sex you up, all night!”

I could go on and on (till the break of dawn. ha!) and make myself and most readers continue to squirm and have sweaty palms. Did my parents know I was listening to such inappropriate songs at a young age? I doubt it. One of the funniest jokes a friend and I have is over the overtly sexual piano sheet music that she bought and we played and sang together as young girls. Oh, how our mothers would have cracked if they’d known! Has mainstream music always had an edge to it that required older folks to declare, “Those young kids and their loud music!!” Sure. But, do we really have any clue how sex has infiltrated our current generation of kids and teens beyond just the lyrics in mainstream songs? I don’t think so.

I have twice now seen a commercial advertising a new reality show and one of the quotes coming from a 20-something girl was, “Am I still bang-able?” Yikes! It’s the norm. It’s what young ladies (and guys) are seeing everywhere. I know the basic idea of sexuality being woven into music and entertainment is nothing new because it has been a risqué piece of many former generations, but again, I don’t think we really have a solid understanding of how entertainment and social media is distorting sex for both Millennials and beyond. The YouTube videos bombarding our youth about sexuality, the pressure to be Instagram ready with just the right selfie, the television shows like Keeping Up With the Kardashians that are portraying what our young girls should look like and act like and talk like. Modesty has gone out the window. Am I sexy? Am I hot? Am I “bang-able”?

This past weekend, I attended an extremely interesting and informative conference on sexuality. It was from a biblical perspective, but it was no holds barred as it covered almost every aspect of sexuality in the mainstream culture, from same-sex attraction, pornography, the biblical definition of both women and sexuality, singleness, how to address it with kids, etc. I was thankful to get a nitty-gritty discussion going on this issue because I don’t want to lay low on this as my kids grow. As the conference’s guest speaker, Melanie Cogdill (managing editor for Christian Research Journal), emphasized, God created sex and we must talk about it age-appropriately, frankly and regularly. Does it make me squirm a bit to think about bringing up these issues with my children? You betcha. But, it’s a part of my job and as I try to do with our Christian faith in general, I want my kids to know what they believe and why they believe it. That requires an open and welcoming environment at home where they can ask anything they’d like and feel comfortable sharing any feelings they have. Is that far-fetched? Maybe, but it can at least can be the goal. 

What I learned this weekend that was so incredibly important to remember, but that initially sounds like it’s removed from the issue of sexuality, is that of our core belief in God. Without a moral compass that was instilled by our Creator, what value is found in modesty or sexuality modeled in the bible? Why not fall head first in to the sexual revolution that’s taking place in our current times? As Melanie Cogdill said, “It all goes back to Genesis 1-3.” Do we believe in God? If so, do we believe that the Word of God is our authority? If so, what is the biblical definition of sexuality?

I can think of many ways that my own perspective on sex was distorted and most of that was from the exposure I had and lack of any memorable conversations that may have helped. I don’t write this to lay fault on my parents because how many millions of other families typically avoid it because of it’s awkwardness? It only increases my concern for our up and coming generations with the seemingly quadruple amount of exposure they have nowadays and leaves me wondering how they will view sex as it pertains to marriage. How do they think they need to look in order to attract someone from the opposite sex? What language, forward flirty-ness, or sexiness must they exude in order to get attention?

It feels like a drowning fad to consider the idea that girls dress modestly and that boys are gentle and encourage girls to act like a lady. I have an entire future blog idea on how we, alongside other parents in the same peer group, can hopefully support our kids through the dating phase, but for today, I’m leaving you with this: If God created sex for good, and as Tim Keller described it, “Sex is God’s appointed way for two people to reciprocally say to one another, ‘I belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you.'”, then how are we helping to encourage this truth, whether that’s in our own marriage bed, in relationship with others if we are single and/or dating, or in guiding our children? It’s a question I’ll be asking myself, too.

Sources:

Crowe, J. (2016, July 28) 5 Lessons My Parents Taught Me About Sexuality [Blog Post]. Retrieved from https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/5-lessons-my-parents-taught-me-about-sexuality

Cogdill, Melanie, (2016 October) Conference on Biblical Sexuality at Covenant Presbyterian Church, Lakeland, FL

Oh, No You Didn’t…

emilyb123Leave a comment

I’m often wondering what direction this blog will take and whether or not I have an aim or theme under which most of my entries will fall. A majority of my posts have been faith-related, but that’s not always my goal or where I feel I have to stay. I listen and observe the news, social media, etc. and as I begin to form an opinion on it, I sometimes think, “maybe I should blog on that.” Most of the time it doesn’t happen because I wonder if I’ll even have more than 4 lines to say about the matter and then the idea will fall behind other pressing daily obligations. I know I could hop on and blog about anything I darn well please, but knowing that there are potentially more than just two people reading it, also gives me cause for pause. I don’t want to tick off someone and, (gasp!) lose them as friends on Facebook. However, I like the idea that someone could read it, disagree, and then give me some food for thought from their perspective on the issue. That’s what it should really be like, right? Respectfully having the right to share opinions and welcoming feedback, like grown-ups. Not expecting every human being to think just like you.

I follow a blog that I enjoy that’s clever and light-hearted most of the time. It makes me laugh out loud and she even does a Fashion Friday post each week that makes me envy her closet. I’m quite far from trendy and fashionable, so don’t worry about my adding fashion tips, but for my own sake and as the creative outlet I hope this can be for me, I want to write whatever’s on my mind and click “publish”, even if it’s a mindless, light-hearted read on my love of matching my underwear with my outfits. However, today’s not one of those kind of entries.

I hear the enormous load of political chatter from every direction and it can make my eyes cross and I generally want to avoid any and all discussions over it. When it comes to even considering a blog on an issue, I have to feel like I’ve settled into a place where I don’t feel as scattered, and that’s what all of this mess is; scattered, messy, and an often times unreliable pile of bricks. Lots of misleading headlines, articles filled with scathing descriptions on each person or party. I don’t like either presidential candidate. They are both yucky and a bit unnerving to me in their own way. One is known to have lied and is often described as a sneaky life-long politician. The other is aggressive, and says inappropriate and often disgraceful comments that make us squirm or feel downright angry. Then there are videos like this that hilariously expose a bit of the ridiculousness.  We all say, “How could this possibly happen that these are our two candidates?!? What’s going to happen to the future of our country?”

Regardless of this stark reality, most of us decide to, sometimes begrudgingly, stand behind one of these two candidates. Maybe we plan to hide it carefully under a bushel until Election Day for fear of persecution from “the other side”. Many people may still be unsure of where they stand simply because this election does not follow the general standards. I’m a Christian and I would say mostly conservative. Generally, I’d be more likely to favor the Republican candidate, but it’s not an automatic for me. One of my favorite authors, Phillip Yancey, just declared a couple days ago that he doesn’t understand how conservative Christians are possibly supporting Donald Trump because he, “stands against everything that Christianity believes”. Yikes. Although I know there are other well-known Christian leaders that are supporting Trump, it has still left me unsettled as to where I should place my vote.

There are extremely sour moral concerns in both candidates and many people have valid reasons to argue why one of them is worse than the other; choosing the lesser of two evils, as I’ve heard so many times. There are many descriptions made and twisting of truths about the candidates and I think it’s extremely important to question the validity of news media.  Yesterday, I read something and it finally clicked with me on who I believe I’ll vote for on Election Day and why. The reading (ironically from one of my least favorite Republican candidates, Ted Cruz) made me put aside the moral concerns for just a moment and I then asked what it is I most care about and what are top priorities that I know the next presidential candidate will have the power to change. (For those of you still reading that are liberal-minded, here’s where you may roll your eyes or do a mental SMH emoji). I care about the millions and millions of babies that are dying through abortion and I care about our freedom of speech and religion. Our president will have a great power in choosing future members of the Supreme Court. There are many issues on which I’m just plain ignorant: coal vs. oil and gas, etc. and others where I’m torn: immigration, Obamacare, etc. It’s boiled down to recognizing what matters most to me in the political/government basket of concerns and that’s left me with the choice to vote for Trump. If you’d asked me to pick from anyone in the country, he would not be even near the top or even on the list at this point, but to me, with these two choices, it is where I’ve landed for now and I reckon I could very well change my mind between now and November. Like I mentioned, I’m a fan of respectful dialogue on this issue and will keep my ears and mind open should I hear differing opinions from those I respect. If you are also uncertain as to where you’ll place your vote in November, I would encourage you to briefly push aside the messiness and murkiness of it all and ask yourself that basic question: “what do I care about the very most when it comes to the future of our country?”

Bashing Bondi

emilyb1232 Comments

It’s been almost a week since the devastating massacre in Orlando. What emotions this has stirred up across the globe and especially on social media. I have Facebook friends on all sections of the political and spiritual spectrum, so that leads to an array of posts on the issues that stem from such an awful event…guns, Muslims, radical Islam, LGBT community, Obama, Trump, etc. It can make your head spin and cause us to lose focus on what has really occurred. Human beings, hated for their sexual preferences and lifestyle and/or race, were blatantly murdered by an angry, distorted man. It is wrong in every single direction and no one, regardless of their personal beliefs and personal choices, deserves such hatred.

The other night I watched a bit of “I Am Jazz”, a show about a young child struggling with gender-identity and her journey through the transitional period that started at a very young age with hormone-altering drugs, etc. It was disturbing to see, but an additional takeaway for me was the honest portrayal they gave of the backlash and straight-up bullying this and other trans kids endure as a result of their decision. I don’t agree with such extreme measures at that young age, but no matter what decision they and their parents have made, NOTHING is deserving of ugly, hateful, judgmental words.

With SO much information coming from many different directions and sources, it is confusing to know truth. What news channels or websites are accurately and responsibly sending out information and opinions? Should I be for or against gun control? Does it really matter if Obama refers to it as “Radical Islam” or not? It’s what keeps me from regularly really diving into the political arena or keeping up with the news. It’s why I generally play devil’s advocate to a great deal of my husband’s conservative perspective on issues (and I’m a touch stubborn). Another social issue that this recent trauma has brought up again that I continue to struggle with is my personal opinion on homosexuality. I go back and forth on what I think. My faith plays a major part in my thoughts on this matter. I read about it. I have asked questions of people on both sides. I’ve prayed about it. No matter where I fall on it at any given moment, it will always be my personal opinion. I am allowed to still have that, right?

There are obviously way too many people, some claiming to be followers of Christ, that are plain ol’ ugly, mean, judgmental, and critical of others that they deem sinful (forgetting the log in their own eye! Matthew 7:3). But not everyone feels and acts that way! There are Christians who may not agree with someone’s lifestyle, but still show love. I don’t hate someone because they have a different lifestyle than me. I know many people that don’t speak aggressively or ugly towards others that have different beliefs. I would certainly never think someone, like a person in the LGBT community, would ever be deserving of brutal murder for their lifestyle. I feel terribly that anyone would feel threatened, bullied, or in fear of their life for a lifestyle preference. YET, even though I feel heavy-hearted over how they must be feeling and want to support them as they recover from the Orlando massacre, I’ve somehow been led to feel that I’m not allowed to still disagree with their lifestyle. Why would I not be able to hold a personal belief that stems from my own personal faith? There are articles like these that imply Christians are inadvertently being held accountable for the Orlando massacre and that is very disheartening to me.

If I do decide that I don’t believe homosexuality is what God intended for his creation, then I could be “de-friended” on Facebook and thrown into the pit, like Florida State Attorney Pam Bondi was during her interview with Anderson Cooper. On my newsfeed I saw friends thrilled that he tore into her, implying she is a hypocrite for now supporting the LGBT community when previously, she adamantly fought against their right to marry in the state of Florida. Remember when I said I don’t often engage in politics or tune in to the news? Please hear me say that I know zilch about Pam Bondi, besides her job title and from the interview I watched yesterday, it’s obvious she fought against gay marriage to, as she said,”uphold the constitution for the state of Florida”. I have no clue if she’s a Christian.  I have no idea if she’s a big Meany-pants in real life. However, what I did hear her saying in that interview is that she was appalled by the atrocity that happened in Orlando and that she supports human life and wants to help the LGBT community. I do not personally feel strongly opposed to gay marriage or civil unions, but this lady is entitled to her opinion (and her designated career responsibilities) and that does not automatically discredit her seemingly heartfelt efforts to support the LGBT community after such a scary event. I believe someone should be able to sympathize and support another, even if they may not agree with their lifestyle.

Like I said, emotions can reach an all-time high at times like these. With folks on polar opposite sides of political and social issues, it can lead to aggressive words. What I want is the freedom to respectfully hold my personal beliefs and I currently don’t feel like that’s the case. This does not mean I have the right to belittle and aggressively torment those that don’t hold the same beliefs. It would also mean that just because I may not agree with you, it does not mean I should be treated as ignorant or heartless. I believe living in this country affords us the right to hold our own opinions, whilst still respecting mankind and being able to gently encourage and love other human beings through such painful times as these.

Isn’t It Ironic?

emilyb123Leave a comment

I just put another bumper sticker on my car that might take me over the cliff where I’ll secretly be called a Jesus Freak. If you knew how my insides have actually felt about this idea, it would really shock you that I even consider it.  I don’t like to draw attention to myself in a religious way in that I never, ever, ever want to be pushy about religion, faith, etc. I don’t bring the fire and brimstone attitude or try to scare people into believing in God. Eek. However, my bumper sticker decisions are a big deal in my little life. I put great thought into them and have had one of them personalized to make my point. Even though I shy away from being pushy about my stances, once I do feel deeply about something, I want to confidently express it and sometimes I wonder if something as simple as a bumper sticker could get brains stewing as they spend so much time in the car.  P.S. I only have 3 total; not like pieces of flair at Chotchkie’s (see clip for Office Space reference). 

Now to my point. My most recent sticker, as seen here, is a picture of a little sea turtle and when you look closer, you see that it’s holding a sign that says, “Save the Baby Humans”. A friend of mine from church had it on her car and after seeing it, I had a huge “aha!” moment and then kept thinking on this idea for the last month or so. It is yet a new way that I see the issue of abortion and how it’s distorted in our society. It’s similar to the fact that millions of dollars were probably pulled out of North Carolina over the transgender bathroom bill (I am still stewing on that topic as I try to figure out where I stand) whilst millions more US federal dollars keep flowing into foreign countries that execute people with any alternative lifestyle. Another day, another blog…

If you’re from Bradenton or I imagine any other beach community, you know about the potentially over-zealous sea turtle patrol. They wake up before dawn to stake out sea turtle nests along the shore. In turtle season, they are clearly marked with stakes and bright orange surveyor’s tape. You don’t mess with them unless you want major trouble. We’re not allowed to have any lights at night shining towards the gulf. It’s a big dad gum deal. As a young girl, I myself wanted to be a marine biologist (Let’s be honest and say that 8 out of 10 children wanted to have the same profession or something else related to animals) and used to read about sea turtles, so I can understand the passion that many have. BUT, what is going on with this picture when we have people fighting for the women’s right to end a HUMAN life, yet don’t connect that to the fight to passionately protect a sea turtle’s precious life? They are cute, for real. They need to travel and have more turtle babies like in Finding Nemo, but why are we not, as a society, thinking in similar terms when it comes to human children? 

This post was triggered by similar thoughts from one of my favorite fiction authors, Francine Rivers. Although I may not agree with every nuance of her tone in this blog (i.e. when she questions Planned Parenthood’s motives in providing women’s health, because I do believe they bring a lot of good), it hits the same nerve thats been pressing on me since stumbling onto this sea turtle idea. In her writing, she references the same newspaper printing two different articles; one about a new abortion clinic opening and another about the great lengths taken to care for a newly discovered panda’s fetus at the local zoo. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t ya think? 

Is it Imperative?

emilyb1231 Comment

I need help. I feel like I waste too much time with nonsense. I am far from over the top on my social media addiction, but boy, do I feel hooked at times. I often feel a low-level bleh feeling about my time spent mindlessly scanning through Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or Amazon. It’s a habit and I don’t like it. Maybe like most folks, I have a hard time balancing healthy issues (i.e. a bit of chocolate here and there, or checking in on Facebook to see what’s going on with my friends) with sometimes wasting what could be considered precious time in the day. I know I sound like I spend hours a day on social media and in reality I’m not even close to that, but my guilt-tripping brain makes me feel like I am. Just that minute here and there during the day or the time warps that suck me in when I have more open time at home.The bottom line: I feel like I waste time that makes me feel yuck and I want to do something about it.

The big question that popped into my brain just a few days ago was, “Is it imperative?” Is it imperative that I sign in to Facebook right now? Do I really need to skim pictures on Instagram? Is it absolutely necessary right now that I look for a new watchband to repair my 1992 Swatch watch (That was yesterday’s time fart. Did I just make that up? Time fart?)? I’ve spent a great deal of time debating over whether I just cancel my social media accounts altogether. It’s very tempting and I think overall I would really like it because I have a far-fetched dream that I would then live like Anne of Green Gables and spend lots of time frolicking in the yard amongst the rosebushes, but I digress. What about everything I would miss? My cousins from all over the country, high school friends, prayer requests, former students graduating…I also think there are many avenues of sharing love, compassion, and the hope of Christ via social media. Plus, there are funny cat videos.

My biggest guilt waves come at me when I’m trying to “multi-task” whilst with my kids. I want to kick myself when I’m looking on Pinterest (that I can rationalize in a heartbeat because it’s re: school lesson plans, dinner, etc.) or my neighbor’s dog pics on FB when I could be looking at my stinking kids! Have you seen my kids? They’re great! and funny! and as every human being that’s ever had a child tells me, this time goes by in a flash! What a cliché, but so very true. I want to squeeze them and not let them get any bigger (well, maybe just big enough for my littlest one to get out of diapers…)

Now I know I need to be realistic here and recognize that there are numerous times I can and need to (without guilt!) multi-task and have my face in front of the screen. But, I can be more aware and try to cut back on the wasteful time. I go back to my main question, “Is it imperative?” Sometimes, yes, and other times I can wait until after my kids are asleep to get a fix of social media, or even more likely, I don’t need to be on the computer in the first place. My book pile is there waiting for me. My husband is full of funny-ish jokes. Lots of living to be had and I’m bound and determined to live it more actively.

Elderly Woes

emilyb1231 Comment

Our dog, Millie Sue, has a gray beard. She’s skinny and lumpy. She’s become even more skiddish in her old age and barks incessantly to be let in to only want to go back out again in order to escape the terrors of a toddler wanting to squeal and grab her tail. We jokingly tell the story of how Millie joined our family when after a fun day of boating and possibly a beer or two, an offer was made to take one of several puppies from a litter down the street. My parents and a friend were taking one, so why not me, too? I was a grown up, newly married living in my own home and knew we could handle the challenges of puppyhood. I was warned of potty training, household destruction, and the rest, and we certainly had our fair share of ripped carpet and chewed shoes. However, what no one mentioned or warned us about was the elderly phase. 

The same goes for us humans. It stinks getting older. Moving from childhood to adulthood is difficult with the numerous stresses of responsibility (hello to a handful of my high school classmates considering back surgery!), but nothing seems to compare to the last phase of life. Mind you, I’m not yet 40 and God-willing, have plenty of phases left to experience, but I’ve been on the caretaker end and have observed other families struggle through it. It’s frightening to think about. I have recently watched an elder of mine struggle with physical pains, memory loss and it has left them emotionally overwhelmed at times. They were once incredibly vibrant and now feeling helpless and frightened. I know this is not the case with all folks reaching the end phase of life, but so many that I’ve seen have faced difficulties I imagine they never expected to endure. 

This collection of beautiful photography art reminds us that all of our elders were young, lively, and lovely at one point in their life. It reminds me of how much there is to learn from them if we would just sit and make the time to listen. My grandmother, my daughter’s namesake, just passed away in January and what I’ve thought of the most is how much I wish I’d asked more questions. It makes me want to slow down and pay attention to our older generation. Although I carry my manners with me in most situations and am respectful,  sometimes I’ve been guilty of feeling frustrated by a slow driver/ slow grocery cart cruiser and have heard myself talking both louder and slower to elderly folk (as we stereotypically do with those who don’t have English as their first language) as though they’re children. How selfish can I be? What is so important in my life that I need to be rushing and feeling irritated? How little I truly know in comparison to many who have lived a full life. Thankfully, I have grown some in my awareness of this issue over the last few years and try to make a point to meet eyes with the slow grocery cart drivers. As is the case with every human being we pass, what are they going through? Are they lonely? 

 I wonder if those in the last phase of life are reflective of all they’ve experienced and look at us in pity or frustration? What would they have done differently if they could do it all again? How did they manage to work through some of the more challenging hurdles of life? These are the questions we could all ask. We will not live forever and will all meet our time in life that forces us to slow down or lose a reliable physical and mental level of health. I want to be a great deal more respectful of our elders; treat them with kindness and patience and love them. Ask them questions and seek advice. Join me in slowing down and start looking at the silver-haired folks you run into as deep wells of experience and knowledge. 

Do you believe in life after love?

emilyb1231 Comment

Why I titled this post with a line from one of Cher’s songs, I’ll never know. It’s just what has been in my mind for a few days now as I’ve thought of this topic. Seeing that no one really consistently reads this blog except for my husband, I can get away with things like that. This post’s theme is a “religious” one, which may be why the song lyric came to mind; except with the word “death” as the last word. Get it? “Do you believe in life after death?” (sung like Cher) Is it now singing in your mind?

As I’ve shared before on my previous abortion post, I tend to shy away from hot topics and highly controversial issues on social media. Facebook can be an obnoxious collection of posts, articles, & comments that I really assume not many people pay attention to; especially when it argues your own beliefs, but sometimes I feel lead to add my two cents. I’m not scared to per say, but don’t want to give someone a reason not to like me (which I tend to care about more than I should).

A Facebook friend recently posted this article. It’s titled, “How Secular Family Values Stack Up” and focuses on a growing American demographic that include families raising kids without religion. The research shows that the children from these families generally have moral values intact and not any less than that of a religious-based family. This group demographic refer to themselves as “Nones” as they believe in “nothing in particular”. The article goes on to show that a significant number of these families are as close, if not closer, to their children and passionately provide moral direction and were goal-oriented. A reference to the “Golden Rule” was mentioned as one common, simple principle. All of that information makes complete sense and does not surprise me in the least. There are genuinely good, beautiful, and well-adjusted kids being raised by loving, supportive, and nurturing parents and they are coming from both secular and faith-based families. It’s a fact.

 It seems to me that America is becoming more nonreligious by the minute and less likely to cling to an often-considered archaic, legalistic, sometimes seemingly close-minded, systematic type of crutch like Christianity. To a lot of circles, Christianity in particular, is not appealing and certainly not on trend. Most Christians do not believe homosexuality is approved, are not fans of women’s right to choose abortion, and are not generally open-minded towards other religions of the world. Christianity seems to be at the bottom of an uphill battle with the ways in which it has been typecasted for so long. If you are open-minded and a free-thinker, why would you be weighed down by religion and furthermore, why would you raise your kids under the confines of such a belief system? It generally goes against what is roaring these days, and that is one’s freedom to express themselves and live for today. Seek happiness. YOLO mentality. I get that big time. Sometimes it seems super appealing to me to throw caution to the wind and do whatever the heck I want; to live life freely and not think of anything but the here and now. Not that a Christian lifestyle doesn’t allow freedom (because that is essentially what the Gospel does give), but it’s a different type of freedom.

A problem I see with the referenced article is that there is so much more to someone’s faith than just checking off the box of “religion”. I am personally a believer in Christ, but I came to that decision after much digging and doubt. I mentally debated a lot of the aforementioned issues on Christianity and my natural stubbornness encouraged me to not simply lie down and believe something just because it’s what I’m supposed to do. I hope to never raise my kids to just have a “religion”, but rather encourage them to think on all the evidence for and against a Creator and know why they believe what they believe. The article seems to dismiss the fact that a “Nones” family may be subconsciously encouraging their children to actually not be free-thinkers and open-minded, but rather the opposite, if “religion” (as it tends to be stereotyped) is dismissed as illogical or unworthy of researching. Which leads me to what I’ll be writing in my next post…why I believe what I believe.

Wherever you lie on the spectrum of faith, be anything but ignorant. Research and know what you believe (and give your children the gift of true open-mindedness to explore all avenues, no matter what you may declare as truth).

You’ve Got a Friend in Me

emilyb123Leave a comment

As I soon approach my 37th birthday, I’ve begun to recognize my weaknesses a lot easier than ever before. One of those areas that I have taken for granted and now seems blaringly obvious, is my struggle in meeting and making new friends. I grew up in the same town and maintained friendships from pre-k through high school graduation! It was easy and safe (besides the usual drama of friendships growing up). I am still in contact with a handful of those wonderful girlfriends and had some as a part of my wedding party, but due to distance and busyness of life, they are no longer the “regulars”.

Even beginning college, away from home for the first time and in a whole new world, I was able to pal up with my roommate and sorority sisters fairly easily and now still call them dear friends. It was easier then. Maybe we weren’t set in our ways or too comfortable and that allowed us the bravery to reach out and connect. Maybe it’s because we weren’t as busy with marriage, housekeeping, and raising kids. My college friends, affectionately self-proclaimed  the “Fab 4”, are all doing life, too, and although they will always be my “forever friends”, they are no longer my “everyday friends” that I currently crave and miss.

Maybe it’s because I’m a creature of comfort and have always relied on my friendships and expected they’d always be a part of things, that I took them for granted. As I thought it was supposed to get easier as I age, my own insecurities actually increased as I worked through my great struggles with anxiety (shame, depression, worry, guilt) over the years. This caused me to pull away and shut down and as a result, damage connections with others. One particular friendship, my rock and BFF, very slowly changed because of my pulling away and as we changed, we did so in seemingly different directions. It happens. It’s life and I know that. But it doesn’t make it any easier and I find myself still mourning a reliable friendship that I thought would always be what it was.

So, here I am now and seeing just how tough it can be to be a big girl in adult life trying to make new friends. I’m naturally shy. I despise small talk and feel like a bumbling idiot at times. I’ve always known this, but up until recently, I did not see how it affects this task of pushing myself to meet others. I have recently been in numerous settings, i.e. baby class, school-related meetings, etc., and realized that I can do all the smiling I want (which I try to overcompensate with because I’ve always been well aware that I may come across snotty, when in fact, I’m just shy!), but that’s not going to get me engaged in conversation or moving to the next base in “mom dating”. I’m referring to a book I’m in the middle of reading called, Women are Scary, The Totally Awkward Adventures of Finding Mom Friends by Melanie Dale. It is spot on and is really what has given me a kick in the pants to recognize my need to step it up and get out of my comfort zone. My “kindred spirit” as Anne Shirley would call it, isn’t going to necessarily knock on my door and want to hang out.

Speaking of “kindred spirits”, another issue I need to address is my high expectations for what these friendships will be like. With a friend, and like I do still have with one or two of my “forever friends”, I crave ease and safety. I want a giggle partner that gets me. I want to play together fairly regularly and share common interests (or learn new ones from one another!). Am I signing myself up for the friend version of The Bachelorette? Are these realistic expectations? I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m determined to kick it up a notch and try to reach out more with the other moms, my co-workers, neighbors. I can push myself to ask them questions and just practice being a good listener. That’s enough for now and if anything, it will hopefully give me just the right amount of a confidence to be brave!

Abortion, abortion, abortion!

emilyb1232 Comments

Abortion, abortion, abortion! There. I said it. I’m fascinated that this word, which my own vocabulary has been devoid of for many years (since it’s a hot topic), is now out and about and even posted on my Facebook page. I would have never thought I’d get the guts to publicly voice my changing opinion on the matter. But I have. I actually felt I had no choice. While growing up and becoming an adult, I would call myself pro-choice. I agreed with my mother, who has been very active and supportive of Planned Parenthood, that it was up to the individual woman what they do with their body. I didn’t think much further on it. In fact, I did not feel any of the emotional tugs when friends or others would use phrases like, “killing babies” or would support their local pregnancy centers. I was never against those programs because they did great things and loved young women going through difficult times, but I was not in support of them. To be quite honest, I did not want to be tied in with stereotypical “ultra-conservative Baptists” with their pro-life platform.

As I worked my way through my late twenties and early thirties, my faith in God formed and took root (not without great struggle as I crawled my way through hardship as noted on previous posts). I also gave birth to my son and began hearing more from Psalm 139. I never shifted to pro-life, but stayed neutral and what I thought was “open-minded”. However, during the summer of 2014, I had a personal event that altered my perspective of what goes on inside a woman’s pregnancy.  I made a trip to the ER while 17 weeks pregnant with complications. I remember being alone in the middle of the night and whispering to the little baby in my belly; hoping and praying for everything to be ok and dreading the idea of having to see my baby if I were to miscarry. I knew that it looked like a tiny growing human in my body and the idea of seeing it lifeless would have been overwhelming. Fast forward to 8 months ago when I gave birth to that sweet little girl that has brightened our life. I now reflect back to that night in the ER and realize that it was her in there; moving and growing. I had already given birth to my son 7 years ago, but this experience shed a new light on it for me.

Then the videos started coming out on Planned Parenthood. My first thought when I saw the headline was that it was probably an over-zealous pro-life group trying to smash abortion supporters. Then I watched. My stomach tightened and my heart fell because all I could think about was my little baby girl in my belly last summer. I couldn’t even watch the whole first video. I watched some of the videos to follow and heard myself saying, “What are we doing!?!” I want to cry out thinking about what is actually happening during an abortion. And I never saw it like that! How many people have been blind to the reality of what really happens? Yes, the selling of body parts seems a bit alarming and needs investigation, but there is more from this exposure that has much greater value and that is the light that has been turned on that has people (like me!) talking about abortion in a different way. Teenager? In college and don’t want to mess up life plans? Already have a couple kids and don’t want anymore or can’t afford it? No longer can we see it as an easy way out if it just doesn’t fit into our lifestyle. Blind to its realities, we act as though it’s no big deal!

You may be one that can relate to my previous view of abortion: “should be up to the woman”, “it’s not even a real baby”, etc. You may have been a bit grossed out by the first video, but have avoided the remaining videos and chalked it up as a distorted video by an crazy group of right-wingers. No matter what comes of the investigation on PP and regardless of whether they have been illegally selling the body parts, we have no choice but to see abortion as what it is: ripping up, sucking out, and destroying a tiny human life. Those are not eye-rolling, dramatic verbs I just used; they are fact. I just never knew it before and now I have no excuse. I will now pray for others to see it; that the blinders will also fall from their eyes and that this will cease to be common practice. I will also pray for the women (some of whom I know and could have easily been me, too) that have had abortions because now their own hearts may be feeling the heavy burden of that choice in a whole new way. If we have put our trust in Him, God forgives us, loves us, and has compassion on us. How do you play a part on this issue? What can you think, pray, or do?