Phillip Yancey

Oh, No You Didn’t…

emilyb123Leave a comment

I’m often wondering what direction this blog will take and whether or not I have an aim or theme under which most of my entries will fall. A majority of my posts have been faith-related, but that’s not always my goal or where I feel I have to stay. I listen and observe the news, social media, etc. and as I begin to form an opinion on it, I sometimes think, “maybe I should blog on that.” Most of the time it doesn’t happen because I wonder if I’ll even have more than 4 lines to say about the matter and then the idea will fall behind other pressing daily obligations. I know I could hop on and blog about anything I darn well please, but knowing that there are potentially more than just two people reading it, also gives me cause for pause. I don’t want to tick off someone and, (gasp!) lose them as friends on Facebook. However, I like the idea that someone could read it, disagree, and then give me some food for thought from their perspective on the issue. That’s what it should really be like, right? Respectfully having the right to share opinions and welcoming feedback, like grown-ups. Not expecting every human being to think just like you.

I follow a blog that I enjoy that’s clever and light-hearted most of the time. It makes me laugh out loud and she even does a Fashion Friday post each week that makes me envy her closet. I’m quite far from trendy and fashionable, so don’t worry about my adding fashion tips, but for my own sake and as the creative outlet I hope this can be for me, I want to write whatever’s on my mind and click “publish”, even if it’s a mindless, light-hearted read on my love of matching my underwear with my outfits. However, today’s not one of those kind of entries.

I hear the enormous load of political chatter from every direction and it can make my eyes cross and I generally want to avoid any and all discussions over it. When it comes to even considering a blog on an issue, I have to feel like I’ve settled into a place where I don’t feel as scattered, and that’s what all of this mess is; scattered, messy, and an often times unreliable pile of bricks. Lots of misleading headlines, articles filled with scathing descriptions on each person or party. I don’t like either presidential candidate. They are both yucky and a bit unnerving to me in their own way. One is known to have lied and is often described as a sneaky life-long politician. The other is aggressive, and says inappropriate and often disgraceful comments that make us squirm or feel downright angry. Then there are videos like this that hilariously expose a bit of the ridiculousness.  We all say, “How could this possibly happen that these are our two candidates?!? What’s going to happen to the future of our country?”

Regardless of this stark reality, most of us decide to, sometimes begrudgingly, stand behind one of these two candidates. Maybe we plan to hide it carefully under a bushel until Election Day for fear of persecution from “the other side”. Many people may still be unsure of where they stand simply because this election does not follow the general standards. I’m a Christian and I would say mostly conservative. Generally, I’d be more likely to favor the Republican candidate, but it’s not an automatic for me. One of my favorite authors, Phillip Yancey, just declared a couple days ago that he doesn’t understand how conservative Christians are possibly supporting Donald Trump because he, “stands against everything that Christianity believes”. Yikes. Although I know there are other well-known Christian leaders that are supporting Trump, it has still left me unsettled as to where I should place my vote.

There are extremely sour moral concerns in both candidates and many people have valid reasons to argue why one of them is worse than the other; choosing the lesser of two evils, as I’ve heard so many times. There are many descriptions made and twisting of truths about the candidates and I think it’s extremely important to question the validity of news media.  Yesterday, I read something and it finally clicked with me on who I believe I’ll vote for on Election Day and why. The reading (ironically from one of my least favorite Republican candidates, Ted Cruz) made me put aside the moral concerns for just a moment and I then asked what it is I most care about and what are top priorities that I know the next presidential candidate will have the power to change. (For those of you still reading that are liberal-minded, here’s where you may roll your eyes or do a mental SMH emoji). I care about the millions and millions of babies that are dying through abortion and I care about our freedom of speech and religion. Our president will have a great power in choosing future members of the Supreme Court. There are many issues on which I’m just plain ignorant: coal vs. oil and gas, etc. and others where I’m torn: immigration, Obamacare, etc. It’s boiled down to recognizing what matters most to me in the political/government basket of concerns and that’s left me with the choice to vote for Trump. If you’d asked me to pick from anyone in the country, he would not be even near the top or even on the list at this point, but to me, with these two choices, it is where I’ve landed for now and I reckon I could very well change my mind between now and November. Like I mentioned, I’m a fan of respectful dialogue on this issue and will keep my ears and mind open should I hear differing opinions from those I respect. If you are also uncertain as to where you’ll place your vote in November, I would encourage you to briefly push aside the messiness and murkiness of it all and ask yourself that basic question: “what do I care about the very most when it comes to the future of our country?”

The ever nagging question…Why?

emilyb123Leave a comment

Heartache is everywhere. Sometimes it seems like it’s lurking around the corner and one never knows when it’s going to hit. 2014 was a pretty good year for me and one I can look back on fondly for the most part (health, my brain not a complete mess, great school year for my son, work growth for my husband, new baby girl!). However, I can name several families who were hit by heartache and will feel the effects for a long time to come. Terrible tragic deaths have happened within my community and beyond. Just even hearing about them makes your stomach sink and stirs your heart with sympathy…or anger and frustration. Do you ever feel that way? Angry that something terrible happens and that someone is hurting like they are? Just in the past year I can think of families broken by suicide, murders, sickness, and tragic deaths. Why do these things happen?

As a Christian who does put hope in the fact that God is intimately aware of every single thing that happens in our individual lives, heartache tends to make me feel frustrated with God’s plan and have some doubt. I decided several years ago that I had to make the choice to either believe He is who He says He is, or not. I decided there are way too many examples of His activity in people’s lives and way too much historical evidence to believe otherwise. But, hurting hearts still make me uncertain as to what He’s doing and why. I want to know how someone tragically losing a child or spouse is ultimately better for having experienced it.

Philip Yancey has written a book called, “The Question That Never Goes Away: Why?” that I look forward to reading this year because it, as have other books by Yancey, addresses this ongoing struggle of pain in our world and trusting in a loving God. I do know there won’t be an ultimate answer that we’ve all been looking for because there isn’t one, but what it does do is remind us that everyone is struggling with this, whether that’s through personal experience, witnessing others’ hurts, or living fearful of heartache. I can relate to all three because I still question why my brain works the way it does as I struggle with anxiety, have seen and heard of many others deeply hurting, and worry about what heartache may be around the bend for me.

When heartache interrupts our lives (because most of us are busy trying to live the good life and makes things pleasant; “waiting for the weekend” mentality), it stops us and gives us the brief reality check on the preciousness of life and also serves as a reminder that we are NOT in charge. We do NOT ultimately decide whether we or our loved ones will take their next breath. Scary to consider? Stay with that feeling. If we are that helpless then we don’t also want to be hopeless. That’s where the hope of Christ enters in.

Chasing my own tail

emilyb1231 Comment

Do you continue to do what you don’t want to do and not keep up with things you do want to do?

Hoping that’s not just me and doubt it is. Thankfully, it’s somewhat encouraging to read that the Apostle Paul said in Romans 7:18-20,  “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.”

I want to be many things: tidy and organized, gentle, patient and encouraging with my students and family, passionate about my faith, spending less time wasting my time (i.e. Facebook, etc.), and the thing that bugs me the most that I can’t seem to get the hang of is quiet time to learn, grow, and know God.

I want to be quiet and really hear from God. I can count the number of times on one hand that I’ve really sensed that. Should it be more than that? Am I expecting too much? Looking for a dramatic experience? Am I just not made that way and others are able to sense Him more clearly? Doing something wrong? Is He irritated with me that I don’t do a better job? These are the questions that continue to come to mind when I get frustrated that I don’t “feel” Him more. But do I really devote the time to hear Him? Not really. I want to and have tried to get into a habit, but don’t stick with it. I pray through the day here and there and do go to Him when I struggle or when others come to mind and I pray for them. It just doesn’t seem like it’s enough or that I’m good enough. Are my insecurities starting to shine through? yikes.

It’s gotten to a point where I try and carve out some time to be quiet, but I don’t even know what to do with myself. I tend to be on the mild side of the technology craze that has many glued to a device at every stop light, but can still connect with the discomfort that can come from just trying to be quiet. What do I read? How long? Do I follow a formula, like the ACTS prayer? Geez, I can see how I want it to be just perfect, but that’s obviously not realistic. He gets me. “He’s mindful that we are but dust” (Psalm 103:14). I did just feel a bit of relief at that reminder.

I remember a bible study I did with some friends many years ago and there was reference to a well-respected Christian leader that would make himself set aside 20 minutes in a prayer closet. If he went in and was distracted a 1,001 times, so be it. He would give God what he could and continue to do that chunk of time. He realized after several weeks doing this that although he didn’t feel like it was productive, he eventually realized he was indeed praying and moving closer. It takes self-discipline that, especially for us Westerners, is more challenging than one might realize.

A former assistant pastor by the name of Ted Hamm, who left me with a few tidbits of spiritual advice while at my church, once said to “pray until you pray”. I can wrap my mind around that. It may not be what we think it should be or feel the way we hope it will, but we CAN make the choice to start and try to keep at it. Not in a legalistic way (that would add to my perfectionistic tendencies), but rather well aware of His compassion for us in knowing our weaknesses as humans.

I’ll end with a quote from one of my all-time favorite Christian authors, Phillip Yancey, that has helped with this struggle as a gentle reminder for us to keep at it: “When doubts creep in and I wonder whether prayer is a sanctified form of talking to myself, I remind myself that the Son of God, who had spoken worlds into being and sustains all that exists, felt a compelling need to pray. He prayed as if it made a difference, as if the time he devoted to prayer mattered every bit as much as the time he devoted to caring for people.”