Author: emilyb123

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

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Each summer we travel to North Carolina to visit family and escape the heat of Florida. With each visit over the last several years and as our children have gotten older, we’ve tried to explore more of the mountains and surrounding areas. This year we were able to purchase a travel trailer and took a trip that looked a little different with not having to be tied to a hotel room. While packing for the trip, I gathered up a handful of outdoor themed books and easy activities that I found on Pinterest in my never-ending attempt to weave learning and reading into our summer. It’s a struggle and sometimes like pulling teeth for my kids, but every once in a while, I get a smile of interest or excitement over something we’ve learned. Because we were stopping at campsites and had nature at our fingertips, I brought along the Usborne’s 1,000 Things in Nature and tried to find critters and natural items that we discovered in the creek or ground coverings. We also used The Usborne Outdoor Book to guide us on our adventures.

Using Pinterest’s wonderful suggestions, we used glass jars to magnify some of our treasures and also learned about photosynthesis in such a beautiful and simple way!

PHOTOSYNTHESIS: https://www.kcedventures.com/blog/how-do-leaves-breathe-a-simple-science-experiment-for-kids

While the big kids were river rafting, my daughter and I had a wonderful time lifting rocks to find critters, looking for creatively shaped stones, and shuffling along until our feet were numb from the refreshingly cold creek water. Here’s a sampling of some of the treasures we found:

Although I forgot to take a picture of them, we used some of the findings to create the most beautiful “nature ladies” using leaves, pebbles, paper and glue sticks. Here’s where I found the inspiration.

Because we spent a lot of time in the travel trailer and I love a good theme, I used the National Parks as my inspiration for decorating the trailer and trying to make it feel like home. As a part of that, I gathered books from home and created a book nook behind the seating area:

Although summer is coming to and end, I hope we can fit one more weekend in for a trip in our travel trailer. With the Florida heat at this time of year, hopefully that will involve a trip to a crisp and chilly spring!

Happy Summer and Happy Reading to you!

Would Ya Look at That View!

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Right now I’m sitting in a cozy chair with one of the most beautiful views in my hometown. My in-laws live in a stunning home on the river with spacious windows that allow you to see the river out back (does that sound like a real estate listing description, or what?) 

I feel almost completely content and generally hopeful. Because of its rarity and because my brain is usually busier, I do not take this for granted. I’ve sat here many times before and this morning, I’m reflecting on just how terribly awful I’ve felt during those times. As you know, often and disappointingly so, the yucky times tend to nab a more prominent part in our memory bank. 

We are here this morning because our home has just been put on the market and we’re staying out of the way this weekend to keep it tidy. Ironically, the emotional and mental breakdown I had sixteen years ago occurred in this beautiful home. While my in-laws were living in their seasonal home, we briefly moved in here while our home was being built. Upon moving in, I wrote a joyful journal entry expressing all I hoped to accomplish and in which creative outlets I planned to dabble. Quite drastically the next entry spoke of complete confusion and misery. Just like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, “my life got flipped, turned upside down” and constant, intense anxiety ruled every hour. 

I feel uneasy as I type because of how sensitive I am to those memories. My OCD wants me to stop typing it for fear that “it’ll come back”. So, I type some more! The heavy tears, shivering as though I had a fever, drastic weight loss, the fears over taking Zanax to get to sleep, a dear friend encouraging me and watching to be sure I a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, waking at 5:00am to immediate nerves…it was such an awful time. 

Over the years, I recall sitting in this chair at times to hide away during social gatherings, as I did my best to put on a smile and hide the heaviness or strong anxiety I had coursing through my insides. I remember sitting here crying on a beautiful Easter Sunday, but I was not able to see the beauty. 

Even though it feels heavy to recall all of these memories and I somewhat regret bringing it back as it puts a damper on my initial cozy contentedness I referred to at the beginning, I think it’s vitally important to do so because I want to possibly bring HOPE to someone that may read this. I don’t feel that way today. Yes, there is always the possibility of doing a crash and burn tomorrow and my OCD takes a liking to that idea, but I am not in misery. I’ve had great difficulty and pain over the last sixteen years, but it’s also been a time of up and down learning and growing. Life is hard. If you struggle with a mental illness of any kind, it may be something you have to manage for life, but it is not a death sentence. There is help. With practice and consistency, there are tools and habits that can help us learn to make space for discomfort so that we don’t make those feelings worse. There is always HOPE, dear reader. 

Finding Nemo

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Due to technical difficulties and a wonky life schedule, I’ve not been keeping up with posting, but I’ll be slowly catching up and hopefully, sharing ideas that may be helpful and also encouraging those of you trying to share the love of learning and reading, but hitting a few (or a lot) of bumps along the road. With little tidbits of time, I have been updating my sweet website, learning about converting HEICs to JPGs (huh?), and navigating the ins and outs of expanding my book business, blog, and the social media that goes along with it. It’s nothing fancy and will never be, but for now, it brings me joy and allows me an outlet to share what suits MY fancy 🙂

As we moved further into the summer schedule, I tried to weave in summer learning with more themes. I rapidly found out that it was more difficult to do without the structure of the homeschool day. It turns out it’s much harder to do anything “learning” related when you don’t have to 😉 The first theme I tackled was oceans/underwater. Because of learning curves on how to incorporate activities that intrigue both a 12-year-old boy and 5-year-old girl that are used to copious amounts of technology, it was a slooooww process. I had grand plans in my mind that were filled with curiosity sparks and lightbulb moments. Nah. Not much of that. Plus, there was some Mom barking and a wheelbarrow of whining and grumbling. I didn’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater on this idea of adding a touch of learning to our summer, especially considering the strange Covid season and need for a bit of structure. Sometimes kids need a little nudge and that’s just what I did! I’ll link what I can below, but some of the underwater fun we had involved:

We looked through these themed books I already had on my kids’ bookshelves:

https://amzn.to/2VA180R
https://amzn.to/2DasDb7

Who knew puzzles could be such fun? We diligently finished a cool Usborne puzzle and enjoyed the beautiful book that came along with it.

https://z7527.myubam.com/p/…/under-the-sea-book-jigsaw-puzz…

My oldest built models of sea animals from an interactive book I found at Costco.

We watched very cool YouTube videos about the ocean zones and sharks and played mellow calming jellyfish videos on Youtube for a few hours! highly recommend!

We created a ocean zones in a jar science experiment (they really liked making this!)

Last but not least, we made a very poor ocean diorama where the kids slapped some blue paint inside boxes and we tossed some plastic sea creatures in there and called it a day (won’t do that again).

As a reward for all of us, we made reservations online, threw on our masks and visited the Florida Aquarium for what I might consider my favorite visit ever simply because of the smaller crowd sizes. It was such a treat to casually chat with my kids as we strolled through and actually made connections to things we’d previously learned (yahoo!)

Hopefully they won’t remember that bit about the sharks when we have our beach week vacation in a couple weeks 😬

Legit Letters

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A few years ago, I had the opportunity to attend BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) once a week, which is an international program for women and they do a study of one book of the Bible each year. The program includes an absolutely amazing children’s program and my littlest one was able to learn a mini version of what I was studying each week. Another gift was the interaction and support from the small group of women you meet with each week. We had a beautiful woman as our leader who encouraged us and prayed for us. Although I have not participated since, it is something I highly recommend and look forward to doing again as things settle and both of my children are in school.

I happened to land on the year that they were studying the book of John, which I feel was just perfect for me. It allowed me to hear the clear basics of the Gospel in such a helpful way. I was encouraged in many ways, but the most valuable piece to me and what kept shining through is the validity of this Gospel message. There were several times that I found myself thinking, “this just sounds so real” or “you just couldn’t have made this up” (P.S. I tend to naturally approach my faith from a skeptic’s view. I wish I were more of an easy believer, but I also know doubts can strengthen faith, too, so it’s not all bad).

As I recently looked back in my notes, several tidbits jumped out to me, but a common theme I love is how cool it is that the patterns and traditions (albeit seemingly strange to us) of the Old Testament were some of the ways God prepared people to understand the significance of Jesus’ crucifixion. He was the “Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world” and Jesus died at Passover as the Passover Lamb.

I love the genuineness and humanness of the people mentioned in the book of John; especially Nicodemus and Peter. Nicodemus was a fancy-pants religious leader at the time, but was so curious and knew there was more to life. He suspected great truth in Jesus and risked his high status by going at night to visit Jesus in order to learn more. He’s become one of my favorite biblically historical figures. I can’t help but love and have compassion for Peter because of his passion and humanness. I can very often relate to him and look forward to meeting him in eternity.

I’ve heard it numerous times, but if you are a new believer, a wonderful place to start is the book of John. I still have very simple bible basics because I continue to prioritize many other things above scripture reading, but each time I’m given the opportunity to really dig into a book of the Bible, I find myself both challenged and soothed by what I learn. I’m finding that opportunity through recent bible studies within my church’s women’s studies and I’m incredibly thankful for the hope and encouragement it provides.

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

It’s Christmas Time, All Over the World

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Christmas Eve is here at last. Or should I say, Christmas Eve is already here?! I’ve been involved in numerous conversations surrounding how “weird” this Christmas season feels because it’s come so quickly after Thanksgiving this year. Of course, we are usually feeling scrambled and a bit frantic this time of year, but this time felt different and I don’t think many people were keen on it, especially considering how much work it is!

I’ve been grateful to have been slowly learning over the last few years to better anticipate life to simply happen and “mess up” any grand, magical plans I’ve created in my mind over what the holiday season should look like. Sometimes that’s still tough; i.e. the tears shed over broccoli at my five-year-old’s birthday dinner (by both mother and daughter. don’t ask) I’ve written about this before, but some things bear repeating. We can blame society, social media, and the Hallmark Channel, but the expectations many of us place on ourselves and families for the “perfect” holiday experience can really be detrimental. We can be going at a rapid pace trying to fit in all of the experiences that we’re “supposed” to do and completely lose sight of the point. Yesterday, I was internally complaining about all of the gifts I still needed to wrap and I’m so thankful that I then had the thought that I get to wrap all of these gifts. What a GIFT!

Dear reader, wherever you are, as one of my favorite podcasters says, I want to give you a “big, fat virtual hug” this Christmas season. You are exactly where you are for a specific purpose today. I’m truly sorry if you are feeling heavy and sad. Life is so hard. I personally cling to the hope that comes through the promise of Jesus Christ that this is not all there is. If you are reading this now, close your eyes and take a few simple, slow breaths. Gently remind yourself that all is well just as they are, even if they are not well (for example, my dear friend and her children that have been vomiting the last couple of days. sigh). It is OK to feel that disappointment. One of the better tips I’ve heard through counseling is to tell myself something along the lines of, “Things are not as I wish they were, but I’m going to look for the tiniest bit of good, be kind to myself, and practice gratefulness even if I might not feel like it.” You are a gift. Merry Christmas!

OCD is Not an Adjective

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This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend the 26th Annual OCD Conference in Austin, Texas. If you read my first post about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you’ll know that I painfully struggled for over a decade before being correctly diagnosed two years ago with OCD. This disorder is greatly misunderstood and this isn’t helped with media’s portrayal of being “so OCD” about organizing and germs.

Throughout the weekend’s events, I met people from all walks of life and from different parts of the globe that are affected by OCD; sufferers, parents and siblings of sufferers, and the therapists and doctors that serve in that field. I met several doctors and therapists that have been extremely influential in my journey with books they’ve written or podcast/Instagram postings. The sessions covered a variety of topics with panels of both experts and sufferers that shared their experiences. Because OCD can reveal itself through many different themes (contamination, intrusive taboo thoughts, relationship, etc.), there were specific support groups scheduled for the evenings. This quickly became my favorite part because I was sitting amongst men and women of different generations and from all over the country and world that knew exactly what it was like to think with a “sticky” OCD brain. There were laughs and tears and conversations that went late into the night. Without getting too dramatic, it was beautiful.

OCD is not an adjectiveI think I have always known that there is relief and hope found when you know someone else understands a similar struggle, but that became magnified through my experience at the OCD Conference. I’ve made friends and will keep in contact between different time zones so that we will know and be reminded that we are not alone. I plan to attend each year so I can learn about new advances in treatment, ideas and encouragement on learning to live with OCD, join forces to advocate for mental health awareness, but most importantly, to gather with others that understand.

If you or someone you know struggles with intrusive thoughts and/or obsessive thoughts that lead to compulsive behaviors, inward rumination, seeking reassurance or avoidance, look further into OCD as a possibility. The International OCD Foundation’s website can give you more information and help you find the support you need.

Restoration

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Just yesterday I was reading about a fresco that was being restored and in the process, the colors revealed were much brighter and more colorful than anticipated. It was debated as to whether they should continue to restore and reveal the more vibrant colors or keep it dark and familiar. I don’t know what the final verdict was, but the story was being compared to how we can treat our own inner “restorations”; what we allow to be revitalized or renewed, or what we would rather keep covered.

As with most of my blog entries, this one originated from an aha moment I received somewhere over the last several months. When we compare our lives to someone else, it’s very easy to go one of two ways: either “they have it way better than me” or “I’m really not that bad off after all”. The first one is generally slathered in envy and the second could sound either grateful or prideful. When we focus on the latter, there is sometimes a temptation to downplay one’s own struggles or life experiences.

“Oh, I haven’t had it as bad as her/him”

“I don’t really have anything to complain about”

“My childhood really wasn’t that bad compared to theirs”

Do any of those sound familiar? They have been engrained in my brain for at least a decade as I’ve muddled through mental health counseling. Unbeknownst to me, I carried a fanny pack of guilt that told me I should just get over this already because I shouldn’t need, AKA don’t deserve, to seek counseling. It wasn’t until recently when I heard someone say that the healthier route is to validate our hurts. True, maybe ours aren’t as “awful” as someone else, but they could still be impacting our choices even today. I’d encourage you to recognize the wounds, big and small, that bother you. Don’t minimize them or push them away. I don’t mean we should put all of our focus on our hurts and dwell or discuss them all the time, but respect them for what they are. Just like the fresco, you deserve to be restored and revitalized, too. If we give respect to our hurts and honor them by doing so, maybe we can lay them down in a healthy way that may free us up to live lighter. Get a bit of counseling if you think it may help. I personally believe that every single human being should seek occasional counseling to help us “stay on top of our game” in life. It has the potential to give us perspective on circumstances, relationships, goals, etc. You are worthy.

Dear Discouraged Brain,

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Dear Discouraged Brain,

I know you feel heavy and uneasy. Upon waking up you were probably reminded that you “have this problem” and are apprehensive about the day. The basics feel more like a chore and that scattered feeling in your brain makes it seem like not much is getting accomplished in an organized or timely manner. That irritable button gets pushed a lot at the smallest things. Forcing a smile is almost painful when your sweet children engage in a story or tell you something silly. I know it’s really hard and you hear the thoughts streaming that are saying, “It’s not getting any better”, “I shouldn’t feel like this”, “Why do I have to struggle with this?”

Here’s the honest truth. You do feel the way you do and it is all valid. You are allowed to feel sad and angry that this “thorn” seems to get the better of you some days. BUT, you do not always feel like this! I’m writing this letter from the other side of the hill. It’s not too bad over here. The weather fluctuates with a few rain showers here and there, but overall, life is worth the living! I just did a belly laugh not too long ago and giggled at a meme on social media. I woke up this morning and started thinking right away about something I wanted to accomplish with work and around the house. I feel tired right now and do wish my brain acted a bit more like my neighbor, but all in all, I am doing ok.

Each “setback” on this ebb and flow style of mental illness is an opportunity. That isn’t just a line (even though it sounds like one). When you get practice time, it’s a good thing. Because it’s so easy to forget when it feels heavy, here are a few reminders: When the flood of yuck comes, slow that breath and make room for the discomfort. Practice the “radical acceptance” of every previous step and where you are right now. It is important to make a to-do list to help you feel productive, but leave some room in there for rest and self-care (even if you don’t feel like it). This will pass through and the light will peek in, but only in its own timing. Every circumstance is allowed and purposeful. I am really proud of you and I love you.

Love, On the Brighter Side Brain

Live, Laugh, Lice!

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Lice. Little critters that enjoy scurrying around on the human head and laying eggs for more little critters to thrive. They make humans slightly mad with vacuuming, laundry, hair brushing, itching, checking and more checking. When I think of living my best life now, YOLOing, or Living, Laughing and Loving, it doesn’t involve lice in my house. BUT, however they came to visit whether it was from a positive experience like a summer camp full of boys or they joined the fun of my daughter’s long hair, that’s part of this tiny window of our little life and compared to the heartache in other pockets of our community, this is a cakewalk.

When we first detected the lice and had our first overhaul of the house and treated everyone’s head, we sat down to dinner and said our nightly prayer as a family. One of the benefits of prayer is that it has the potential to remind us of a bigger perspective on life. I had a situation from one of my favorite books pop into my mind that connected to this annoyance. In The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom, a true story of two sisters who ended up in a concentration camp after protecting Jews during the Holocaust, the older sister, Betsie, gives thanks to God for the fleas that had infiltrated their living quarters. Corrie is quite taken aback to hear it because she’s likely feeling quite the opposite of grateful. Betsie goes on to explain that because of the fleas, the guards patrolling the living quarters had avoided the area and that allowed for tender fellowship, Bible reading, and singing among the other ladies. What a perspective!

A friend I have on Instagram is adventuring across the country in an adorable camper with her picture-perfect family. You should see the stunning sights and beautiful pictures! However, her most recent caption gave a behind-the-lens play-by-play of the crappy, real-life obstacles they have overcome over the last couple of weeks! Throw a little dose of lice in their cute camper and that would have been the icing on the cake! It was such a great reminder of this same message: It might not be just how we’d like it to be in this short (or long) season of our life, but we can focus on even the tiniest bit of good that we can find. Many times there is an abundance of good to see right on the surface, but other times we may have to take our hand to manually lift our chin and look up to find something for which we can find thanks. Like lice? We agreed that lice allows us to be mindful of many homes where lice or bedbugs may be a very common occurrence and not as easy to eradicate. It’s given me appreciation for simple things that have made it easier to clean and for the “quality time” where the one getting their head checked and hair brushed got to pick the TV show!

There are times when this message to find the good does seem nearly impossible to me depending on my mental health struggles at the time, but I still type it today to help remind myself and you. I think the ability to filter the challenges of life can vary depending on personality type. Not to say everyone can’t be thankful, but I assume it’s easier for some more than others.

There is a woman from my church that just lost her battle to a rare cancer and although I didn’t know her well, the stories I have heard and the beautiful obituary written about her life were astounding. She was a giver; one who consistently put others before herself. I imagine that in general, gratefulness came easily to her, but battling cancer must have been an overwhelmingly difficult circumstance in which to find the good. From what I hear though, she looked for and found a peace among that raging river of sorrow. What an amazing example.

I am not naturally a glass half-full kind of person and may have a tad more selfishness built in than others. I am doubtful that we can fully change that type of personality characteristic, but oh, how I would like to try! I crave the idea of making the people I’m with feel special and really serving others. I think this starts with our perspectives on our life circumstances. Circling on back to my friends the lice, little by little, we can move towards a more humble and grateful attitude which may in turn move our eyes to others’ life circumstances in an aim to serve them. Little by little. Itch by itch.

Valentine Baby

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On this day ten years ago I was in the hospital anticipating the arrival of my first child. My baby was already revealing his stubborn nature by staying put until I had to be induced at ten days overdue! Because we’d kept his official name secret until he was born and with a February 14th birthday, the family jokes started flowing as to whether he’d be named Valentino.

Labor was intense in the morning due to the induction process, so an epidural was ordered and administered much to my delight. Minor struggles occurred through the afternoon as they tweaked the dosage and we endured a rather intense pushing window, but by 5:15pm, my chunky 9-pound baby had arrived.

DSC_0273

Here was this little human being that my husband and I were now completely responsible for and although we’d taken the classes and read the books, it was a little (lot) scary. The unknown was looming. My little brain wanted so badly to be well and handle the stress of a newborn and the challenges that awaited us when we went home. Long nights and the zombie phase came and went, my anxiety disorder intensified in his first year of life and I experienced an arduous battle over the first several years of his life. But, as I look back at the last decade and see the challenges that have been allowed through the providence of God, I also see tenderness and love. This little boy carries several habits and traits of mine and that allows for locking of horns at times, but like I’ve begun to tell him so often that I get eye rolls, I LOVE being his mother. He is bright, funny,  and clever. We both love to read and often share read-aloud time at night. Like his Daddy, he is so wonderful with younger kids and often plays so well with his little sister. It brings me immense joy to think that she has him for the rest of her life; a caring, protective big brother. He has been especially brave this past year by starting a new sport and will be heading away for a real summer camp in a few months.

As an older friend of mine said, it can be sad when all of the sweet little kid seasons pass and you mourn the gentle baby you can hold in your arms, BUT what fun it is to see them grow up! There are numerous seasons to come that I get to be a part of and I’m honored. My little boy is ten years old today; my Valentine Baby. I love him and as I prayed when he was tiny, I pray that he will lead others to Christ, learn and develop a servant’s heart, and most importantly, I hope he will always know that he is loved, NO MATTER WHAT. Happy 10th Birthday, Sweet Boy! I love you!