holiday expectations

It’s Christmas Time, All Over the World

emilyb1231 Comment

Christmas Eve is here at last. Or should I say, Christmas Eve is already here?! I’ve been involved in numerous conversations surrounding how “weird” this Christmas season feels because it’s come so quickly after Thanksgiving this year. Of course, we are usually feeling scrambled and a bit frantic this time of year, but this time felt different and I don’t think many people were keen on it, especially considering how much work it is!

I’ve been grateful to have been slowly learning over the last few years to better anticipate life to simply happen and “mess up” any grand, magical plans I’ve created in my mind over what the holiday season should look like. Sometimes that’s still tough; i.e. the tears shed over broccoli at my five-year-old’s birthday dinner (by both mother and daughter. don’t ask) I’ve written about this before, but some things bear repeating. We can blame society, social media, and the Hallmark Channel, but the expectations many of us place on ourselves and families for the “perfect” holiday experience can really be detrimental. We can be going at a rapid pace trying to fit in all of the experiences that we’re “supposed” to do and completely lose sight of the point. Yesterday, I was internally complaining about all of the gifts I still needed to wrap and I’m so thankful that I then had the thought that I get to wrap all of these gifts. What a GIFT!

Dear reader, wherever you are, as one of my favorite podcasters says, I want to give you a “big, fat virtual hug” this Christmas season. You are exactly where you are for a specific purpose today. I’m truly sorry if you are feeling heavy and sad. Life is so hard. I personally cling to the hope that comes through the promise of Jesus Christ that this is not all there is. If you are reading this now, close your eyes and take a few simple, slow breaths. Gently remind yourself that all is well just as they are, even if they are not well (for example, my dear friend and her children that have been vomiting the last couple of days. sigh). It is OK to feel that disappointment. One of the better tips I’ve heard through counseling is to tell myself something along the lines of, “Things are not as I wish they were, but I’m going to look for the tiniest bit of good, be kind to myself, and practice gratefulness even if I might not feel like it.” You are a gift. Merry Christmas!

It’s (“Supposed to be”) the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

emilyb1234 Comments

We just made Christmas cookies that looked like sprinkled blobs and then threw a dozen burnt ones in the trash. I barked at my daughter for eating the flour. 3/4 of our Christmas tree lights went out last week and it’s likely to stay that way until the tree gets dragged to the street with a needle or two still intact. The Christmas season sometimes just ain’t what it’s cracked up be.

I read an article recently that discussed why our culture is so ate up with the Hallmark movie genre. Believe me, I’ve become one of the first suckers to the DVR to record The Mistletoe Promise or Christmas Bride. It’s because we love the happy ending and the cozy world it allows us to visit. The real world can be harsh and scary, so the escape is lovely at times. I see nothing wrong with it, but I hate to think about the rat race that we can enter that has us desperately trying to recreate that image in our own reality.

In the midst of our “joyous” cookie time tonight, I was proud of myself for recognizing that I wasn’t feeling sad and disappointed like I have so many other times when it wasn’t Hallmark quality. I was rolling with it and just didn’t give a hoot that I’d added too much butter to the dough and that my kids were pouring sprinkles down the hatch straight from the jar! It felt great! Maybe that new anti-depressant of mine is kicking in or maybe, just maybe, I’m just getting to be more aware of how imperfect life really is and that it’s really OK.

Hear this, dear reader, everyone really does have something that stinks in their life. Looks are incredibly deceiving. Just last week I learned about something really lousy about someone that I truly thought had it all together. I would have NEVER guessed they had such struggles, but it ended up allowing me to further respect them and empathize with their pain.

Christmas can be complete and utter joy with twinkle lights, beautifully iced cookies, and the most amazing gifts under the tree. It can also be emptiness, grief and stress; maybe even a bit of both. I write tonight to encourage you to remember that. You never know what someone is feeling, despite the beautiful family photo they post on social media. Look for the little bits of joy and soak up that full feeling you get when it’s beautiful. But also be ok when it falls below your expectations. Heck, the movie It’s a Wonderful Life hits the nail on the head with this lesson! It can be a wonderful life, heartache and all. We have to look for the good.

Merry Christmas!